Friday, 12 July 2013

I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

The winter holidays have passed so quickly. It doesn't feel like we have done much, but it has been so lovely to relax and have time together.

Most of the holidays have been spent unpacking boxes of delightful party supplies and then trying to find somewhere to put it all. My fabulous husband has finally kindly started cleaning up the mess in our garage to make room for my new venture. It's slow and frustrating progress but it is starting to take shape.

I made the decision to take the remainder of my long service leave and not return to work this year. I was fortunate to have just enough leave left to see me through to the end of the year on half pay. We are not sure yet what 'half pay' will actually look like on a pay slip, but we have made some changes to our budget in preparation. Hence the need to step up to make some extra income if we are going to keep this roof over our heads. The Big Hearted Business Conference that I went to with my beautiful friend had planted a seed. The seed has sprouted! I have been longing to do something creative, I have been longing to be more present for my family, I have been longing to be able to catch my breathe and slow down the pace for a while. I am hoping that I am creating the opportunity to do all of that.

It was not as easy as it might seem to decide to not go back to my job. I love being a teacher and I find it hard to imagine ever doing anything else. The class I have left was full of the most beautiful little people who were going to fill my heart with joy this year. My boss has been very much inconvenienced and is disappointed- it was VERY hard breaking the news to him. I love the people I work with and I have missed seeing them all every day. But the time I have had to be Mum just cannot compare. The constant feeling of guilt is no longer there. I am just here for them and I even have time to just be me. I had forgotten what it felt like to breathe deeply, to be still, to sleep peacefully. The pace had become all too hectic and there were simply never enough hours to do it all.

I am hopeful. I am excited. I am happy. I am marching to the beat of my own drum.


4 comments:

  1. This post brought tears to my eyes at thinking of you having to tell your school but then the weight lifted off your shoulders sounds amazingly freeing. I am excited to hear all your stay at home adventures xx plus I just booked flights to Sydney in September to come and say Hi to you and Alison :)

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    1. It is going to be so amazing to meet you Bron! I am so excited and it will feel like an age before September rolls around. I am going to have to host a spectacular tea party to honour your visit and make Pepper feel like the princess that she is.

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  2. Hi Melissa. I read your June post about feeling so stressed about returning back to work and being away from your family, and then there is this post! How quickly things change. You have made such a courageous and amazing decision and it seems you have really listened to your heart taking a leap of faith. Good on you, yet another BHBer doing her thing! It sounds like your kids are so blessed to have you as a mum, living such a true and loving life, and you certainly seem to be blessed by your kids also. Best of luck!!!

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    1. How kind of you Amy. It's so generous of you to take the time to write such a lovely comment. My head space is a great deal more positive since making that decision and I feel very fortunate that the opportunity to make a choice was there for me. I am indeed very blessed with an amazing family, beautiful friends and a surprise support group! Thank you Amy x

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