Ours.

My beautiful husband and I have been together for a long time now- since we were 16! We were married at 20 and oh so optimistic about what the future held for us. We believed that we were in control of our destiny and that we would create a life that was perfect for us. Exploring the world was on the list. The backpacks were purchased for our honeymoon and broken in until they moulded our backs perfectly along our travels around Europe.... future exploration would surely eventuate as soon as we saved some more money!! It was pretty rough, as far as honeymoons go, no luxury for us- but lots of enlightenment.
We whole heartedly believed that we could totally live mortgage free in a dreamy mud brick house, that we would build with our own love and sweat. We read 'Grass Roots' and 'Earth Garden' cover to cover every issue until they were dog eared. We lay in bed by moonlight planning out the self- sufficient life of our dreams until sleep took us into actual dreaming. We were going to raise a big family of beautiful children (probably 4 of them) who loved feeding the chooks every morning before school and ate fresh food straight from the veggie patch.
I practised making delicious vegetarian meals, made my own washing liquid from scratch and even made my own paper. (Did somebody say HIPPY!!) There was a vision of the farm that would be ours with the ocean nearby and the mountains within view from the back verandah.
How did we end up in the suburbs of Sydney? With a HUGE mortgage and 2 full- time jobs! Two big cars that cost us a fortune to keep. Horrendous traffic every time we leave our street.
This is not the life we imagined for us. We have never left the country together again- our passports are long expired. We have never made a single mud brick to behold and photograph with pride. I go to Woolies or Coles almost daily to purchase the food to stock the lunch boxes and to provide something reasonably nourishing for dinner- despite a fortnightly shop that fills me with dread and also fills the trolley to breaking point (not to mention the impact on the savings account).
Here's what happened....real life!
Who knew that REAL life was so vital. Who knew that having children would cause the needle to scratch the record in such a dramatic way. Who knew the love we would feel for our children and the way it would consume us.
The thing is I still long for the simple life- especially after a long camping trip with my family. It always gets me thinking....
This is our life in the suburbs:

(I tried to capture the busy, messy beauty that is 'ours')

Slightly untidy, very chaotic and completely full of love. I wish for a neck that wasn't always in pain (if it could at least move I would be happy), I wish for less busy and I wish for less debt. I would like to have the time I need to keep on top of the medical appointments my children need and I would like to be the Mum who has a delicious and wholesome afternoon tea prepared every afternoon. I would dearly love to be the Mum who helps with reading groups/ canteen/ uniform shop. I am grateful that my children don't seem to mind about any of that too much. I am delighted that I still love my husband with all of my heart and that he still loves me too. I am relieved that we manage to stay on top of the debt- even as it continues to grow with extra necessities. I cannot believe my luck in having three amazing children, who fill me with overwhelming pride and love. I realise that we are very fortunate to have the means to live the lifestyle that we have...but after every big trek we take, with so few worldly goods, and so much time to share...I ponder....have we made the right choices? 

 Life continues to be a bit of a tightrope. We seem to do a good job of hanging in there. 

I am so very grateful for the love we have in this fantasically, crazy, busy home. I could not have possibly imagined how much my heart could expand to contain so many and so much.