Sunday, 6 October 2013

Balance.

There has been quite a bit going on around here lately, but all at the right pace. It's been busy, but not frantic. I have had a lot to juggle, but I am not feeling stressed. There is a long list of jobs I need to tackle, but I am not overwhelmed. Things just feel balanced. That's just what I had been waiting for. It was pretty silly to think that it would all just happen without me taking some steps to make it happen.

My life was not in balance. I was in constant pain and I could barely move my head because of my constantly frozen neck. When the chiro or physio would ask if I had a head ache I would have to stop and think before realising that I did. It was so constant that it was my new normal. I used all of my private health insurance allocation for both chiropractic and physiotherapy mid year. They all told me it was stress and no amount of therapy ever seemed to help. But I just kept on pushing on anyway- for years!

Things have changed. I made time to do all of the things my family so desperately needed. Making it to an appointment for one of my boys is no longer a cause of high stress, major inconvenience to others and something that involves running, cursing in the traffic and skipped lunches/dinners. These days it is a pleasure. A bonus day with one of my boys to enjoy a leisurely morning together, a cheeky lunch out and an appointment where I can not only concentrate on what I will need to do, but I am also able to breathe. Kinda important that concentrating....and breathing. Now I can turn up at the follow-up appointment without apologies for not having met all of the goals set. Yay me!

I have earned my long service leave by working much harder and longer than I should have done over the years. I have been catching up on all of the things I sacrificed while I was working, and trying very hard to let go of the guilt and regret. The result is that my neck works now! I can look over my shoulder without pain, I don't have a headache and I often catch myself breathing! I seriously used to catch myself holding my breath in the past- isn't that counter productive?!

I really do have this strong urge to explain myself. Why am I entitled to indulge in all of this time? Why am I any more stressed than any other working woman with a family? But I'm not going to. I am happy with the choices I have made. I am grateful that I had options available to me. I am happy to have time to focus on my family. I am just going to savour that and continue to reach for more of what awakens my soul.




2 comments:

  1. You absolutely do not need to explain yourself! Except to me - I need some of that balance. Explain that bit to me :)

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    1. I wish I could give you the magic spell Alison. It took me years to work it out for myself yet the answer was right under my nose all along. I think it is a journey we all have to take for ourselves and I just hope you manage to get to your destination very soon xxxx

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